• High Hats & Parasols, 9/19/13

    by Jon Guthrie

    Main line
    Manatees are big
    Professor J. T. Olinger, who traveled to Florida for a summer of study, has written to advise Grovians of a most wondrous phenomenon: the manatee.
    This odd creature, which can weigh up to 1,200 pounds, lives in water, either salt or fresh, but is mammal and not fish or reptile. Olinger says that the creature once lived on land, but took up a watery habitat at least 50 million years ago, an event which you are unlikely to remember. Although a ponderous animal, looking something like a glob of gray butter, the manatee has no blubber, such as do most northern sea-dwelling creatures, and as a result cannot survive in cold water. That makes Florida a perfect home site. However, even with these utopian living conditions the manatees are rapidly dwindling and may soon become extinct. That would be a shame claims Olinger as these are friendly creatures who enjoy swimming with people and will come right up and stare you in the eye before accepting a kiss. Olinger has joined a “save the manatee” project and he encourages Grovians to give a donation to this program. Just bring your contribution to the Review office and we will see that it gets safely to Florida.

    Slaying a ghost
    The mystery of a haunted house has been at last, supposedly, explained. This is a large, rambling structure from which odd noises are alleged to emit from time to time. Brave folks who have attempted sleeping within report having been awakened by the strong sense that someone was present in the room with them. Others said they could not sleep at all because of heavy feelings of oppression. Several reported hearing the sounds of someone walking the hallways. All were convinced that one or more supernatural beings occupied the residence, but several investigations have turned up empty handed. Then someone observed that all occurrences of noises followed rainy days. They also discovered that the basement contained quite a bit of sulfur and a number of unused pipes. These pragmatists explain that rain seepage, mixing with sulfurs, caused noises that were magnified by the pipes.
    As the house is up for sale, its specific location cannot be revealed. Most know of it, however, and some are interested in finding an explanation for the unreal presences. Got your blankets ready?

    Mrs. Hearst to build in grove
    Most know that this year’s Y.W.C.A.’s Conference of California Students will be held in Pacific Grove. Most are very supportive of the Y.MW.C.A. … as is Mrs. Phoebe Hearst. During a recent interview, Mrs. Hearst said that she planned to support the Y.W.C.A. to the fullest. That help, she said, will include construction in the Grove for benefit of the conference. Mrs. Hearst also said she was not yet ready to release details of the building plan.

    Exposition commissioner named
    Secretary of State Bryan yesterday announced the appointment of former congressman W. B. Lamar as the United States Exposition Commissioner. Mr. Lamar will soon move west in order to represent the government in the affairs of the Panama-Pacific Exposition to be held in San Francisco in 1915.

    Chauffeur wins
    Now that auto mobiles are here, people with money must have a chauffeur to show off their wealth. Sometimes, alas, those chauffeurs are involved in mishaps. Such was the case with Mr. Sam Sanborn. Yesterday, Mr. Sanborn was backing his employer’s auto mobile, a touring car, into the street to prepare for a drive to Monterey to run an errand. Unknown to the chauffeur, the vehicle almost backed into a passing horse, scaring the animal so badly that it bolted, tangled itself in the reins, fell, and broke its leg. The owner, outraged, filed suit against the chauffeur. Sanborn testified that he had not hit the horse, just frightened it, and had not known of the mishap until he returned home and discovered a crowd in the area. The judge believed the story and found in favor of Sanborn

    Shocking sounds
    In the earth are sometimes heard shocking sounds which prove to be warnings of some natural calamity such as an earthquake. The earth is very kind in this respect. That dull pain in your back is also a warning … this time of trouble with your kidneys. The kidneys need attention if you would escape this dreadful malady. That is also true of diabetes, dropsy, and Bright’s disease. Pretend that you have heard the earth rumble, and take Electric Bitters at once. Otherwise, your failings will return and increase. “For all your kidney and bladder problems,” writes Mr. Peter Bundy, “Electric Bitters is a great medicine.” Get Electric Bitters at your drug store for 55 cents a bottle. Try it and you will feel much better in hours.

    Side track (tidbits from here and there)

    • We have hot stuff for your stove, grate, or furnace and we will deliver. Rocky Mountain coal from the Pacific Improvement Company.
    • Mrs. Martha Head of Oakland is in the Grove to spend a few weeks visiting friends before summer ends. Mrs. Head attended high school here.
    • Mrs. Fanny Hagan will deliver a piano recital this Sunday at 7 p.m. in St. Mary’s church.

    And the cost is…

    • Rexall foot powder relieves tired, aching, or swollen feet. Price, 35₵, at any drug store.
    • Do you want the best for the least money? May we show you? We’d like to. Our new men’s suits are well worth seeing. We will relieve your suit anxiety in short order. $18.
    • Mr. J. R. Rampart of Oklahoma City has a five bedroom home in that city he wishes to trade for property in the Grove. Estimated value, $2,700.

    Authors notes…

    1.   Mrs. Phoebe Hearst, San Francisco, was the mother of William Randolph Hearst.
    2.   Efforts to “save the manatee” continue today. Donations to the program are gratefully accepted.

    posted to Cedar Street Times on September 19, 2013

    Topics: High Hats and Parasols

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