• Relationship 101

    by Morgan Brown

    A blank piece of paper is the sign of a singular mind.
    Who voluntarily buys a blank piece of paper anyway?
    No one wants to stare at that piece of paper every Valentine’s Day, scarfing down those little Sweetheart candies that taste like chalk, and wondering why they’re all alone.
    At least go for the lined.
    Or graph paper if you’re feeling sexy.
    A lined piece of paper is
    Structured.
    Predictable.
    Dependable.
    Friendly.
    If you fall off of one line, the next will always be there to catch you.
    And if you’re clueless enough to fall off of the last line, well,
    Then go out and buy an unattractive robe and some granny panties and start spending your money on office supplies that will never let you down and will always be near and reeking of Meow Mix…
    For the normal, attractive, outgoing, fun people who are willing to put themselves on the line and who don’t always start with the story of that one time they saw Kim Kardashian picking a wedgie…
    I always recommend graph paper.
    For one thing, the boxes come in different sizes.
    And you can choose to execute carefree math all night long and throw away the graph paper in the morning,
    Or you can begin with something more delicate, like the fundamentally confusing, hard to understand, boring and annoying at times, but looks good in a swimsuit, and is totally worth it in the end theorem of Calculus.
    Something you’re a little scared to tackle at first? Yes.
    Something that makes no sense at all sometimes? Definitely.
    Something you can’t wait to fully understand so that you can begin to fully appreciate & explore its boundaries? Indeed.
    But graph paper is the only thing that makes the trip to that one Office Depot with the annoyingly bright fluorescents worth it.
    You certainly wouldn’t want to head to the check out lanes without at least putting the graph paper in your cart and making a few trips around the store…
    Sure, they have a never-ending supply of lined paper in stock to keep you company, take you shoe shopping, and have sleepovers with.
    And there’s always a blank page for those select few who’d rather die alone.
    But stacked up neatly
    In the very front of the store
    In shiny red and pink bins that smell like breakfast in bed and long walks on the beach…
    Graph paper will always be Buy One, Get Some Free.

    posted to Cedar Street Times on January 28, 2011

    Topics: Young Writers' Corner

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